It has been two weeks since I have slowed down from the Southeast Asia lifestyle. Adjustments and harsh changes are hard on the entire human body system. My first week unfortunately was spent being very sick and allowing my body to do its thing. I say let my body do its thing because I truly feel there is a lot of feedback given in those times of sickness and despair. We try to often to get rid of the feedback and surpress it with drugs and other false cares. We totally miss out on a real connection with our bodies, For the first time in seven months I found myself left alone, feeling shitty and a lil depressed because I was no longer frolicking on islands but in a cold, gray city. I had zero appetite and after completing a body scan was so unhappy with what my tone had become while traveling and being away from my Pilates practice. So one day when I was feeling better and could actually function like my norm again I stood naked in front of the mirror and this is what I told myself.
" Hannah, first of all you are fine and its going to be okay, you are beautiful and strong.... so if you don't like what you see fully, do something about it, hello you know what to do ,to get you to where you love feeling and love looking so do it, you know what to do!" haha something pretty close to that and then I had a dance party because those always make me feel better:)
So that was it, I just made the decision alone, without anyone else's input or opinion, I know what I wanted to see and how I wanted to feel, and lucky for me I know exactly what to do to get me there, so it began. I wrote out a morning ritual to follow for myself and everyday this past week I stuck to it as best as I could. I made it a point to eat clean foods, and did not touch sugar, meat, or gluten once,I did have eggs. This is what I follow for myself when it comes to nutrition ...If I feel good eating it, I eat it, if I don't, I dont eat it, pretty easy, same goes for drinking. I practiced and did a Pilates workout Monday through Friday and took saturday off. That first workout was embarrassing for me and I was the only one there hahah but by mid week I was feeling strong and already seeing some of that tone I love so much on my body, It was a conscious decision everyday , it took pep talks and rallies somedays to get me in the studio or to get me on a cushion to mediate or not shove a muffin in my mouth but to make a juice or salade , but I did it and the more I did it the better i felt. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself this much, it is a great pleasure and joy to be so full of ones self. I have gained some much needed clarity on some concerns in my life, I have re connected to my joy, I even just laughed outright out loud on a train because I noticed how amazing I truly felt.
One of my great challenges is to hold onto that love when it's not just me, like when you get a partner or have a baby or something along those lines. When I am left to my own devices I am like Wonder Woman, but then fucking superman comes flying in and suddenly my power begins to drain and suddenly I'm not flying out saving the day anymore ,he is and instead I'm home folding laundry, WTF!
To all the Wonder Woman out there who might struggle with this as I do, you are worth fighting for! There is a great power in asking for what you need , in the word "NO" and in you being a hero, if not only for yourself. If its not a full body "YES" for you don't do it, do what your crying yes to do. For if we want happy, healthy, sex filled relationships that is the only way we are going to achieve and maintain them, goes for you men out there too.
So here is to us , for loving us, for giving, listening, and loving, here is to us for knowing that even when we stand in a room full of a thousand people it's still always just us. If we can remember that we will be able to shine and be a guiding light to the 7 billion others.
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Much Love and Gratitude,
I want to present you with a challenge? Below is an image...see the words on the image? Great! go to a mirror and say those three words until you actually believe them...if you don't come to that place there is your feedback (why not?) make the needed changes and try again tomorrow and the day after etc...because honey you deserve you own love, it will take you on the best dates!!